Being Content...

I love how God is always revealing something new to us... it's like we think to ourselves, life is good and I'm in a really great place with God. I was thinking about that the other day when I realized, "God, I want you to reveal something new that I need to lay down." And sure enough... He has :)

As Jon and I go through pre-marriage counseling, we have had some great topics come up. Recently, our pastor brought up being content. It was dealing with the issue of money, but as I thought about it, it is applicable to all aspects of my life. Am I content? Am I seeking for things outside of Christ? Do I know who I am in Christ?

Hebrews 13:5--- "... Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, ' The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'

If I know the Lord will never leave me, nor will He forsake me, why do I worry so much? Why do I worry about my to do list? Why do I worry if all the pieces of the puzzle will be put together? Because ultimately, God is the first piece of the puzzle and the last. And if I keep searching for it everywhere else, it will never be put together.

Why do I worry about what others think?

These questions are always going through my mind, I become anxious when I think about all that needs to be done. About decisions I think I have to make. Many of the times, God has already made the decision, but I am seeking the answers elsewhere.

John 14: 16--- "... Counselor to be with you forever- the Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you know Him, for He lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

No wonder I don't get any gratification from what co-workers tell me or friends. I have been given my guide, I have been given the answers. The Spirit is not someone that everyone hears or can turn to. I have to CHOOSE to listen. I have to CHOOSE to ignore my flesh. I have to CHOOSE to turn away from this world.

It's an on-going battle, looking for satisfaction in this world and being content with where God has me. I might not have a completed to-do list, everything ready for the wedding, a perfect budget, or everything I want... but, I do have HIM. I have been blessed with the MANY things in my life, I have a God who loves me for who I am. At the end of the day, I only want to worry about if I satisfied Him. "God, did I love you today? Did I serve you today? Did I accomplish the things you wanted me to?" Because my work is not unto man, but unto my Father.

At the end of the rope...

" What suffering and persecution and pain and difficulties do is not so much make us weak, as show us we ARE weak. Without them, we can deceive ourselves into believing we're prizefighters. With them, we're reminded that we're not constructed to function on our own power... Even though I didn't know what I might have to go through next, I could rest and accept it. Because now I knew that when I let go, I WOULD FALL INTO THE STRONG HANDS OF GOD." - Jan Dravecky

I've been part of YoungLife for almost a year now, and when I look back on it, I haven't seen much progress. I see myself trying hard to open this door and that door, knocking and knocking, but not getting any answer. And I ask, "God, if this is Your will for me, why are these doors not opening?" I know that this is His will for me, I can feel it deep in my heart, but why is it not working? And when I stop and think, I realize my flesh has completely taken over. The desire to want to succeed. For doors to be opened.

It's my flesh.

The feeling of failure or lack of progress.

It's my flesh.

And I'm finally getting to a point, where my flesh is running out and all I have is Jesus. See, all along I've been saying, "It's Yours God. It's Yours." But really, I've been holding onto it. Is that why doors aren't opening? Is God waiting for me to completely lay it down. How do I completely lay it down when I don't even know I'm picking it up?

So many questions that run through my mind...

But God is good. And here He is revealing to me, my true heart and intentions. I read the devotional at the top of my blog today, and I thought, I'm finally getting to that point. I'm beginning to feel like, "Here God, I have no control over what's next, so I'm letting go and falling into your hands." A friend told me about a vision she had, and I might be getting it mixed with another, but here's what I see....

I'm walking along a cliff, balancing on the edge... God is trying to give me a finger to help me balance as I wobble back and forth, but I push Him away. "I've got it!" I see myself yelling. I finally get to a place where the cliff ends. I'm not about to fall, but I have a choice to fall. I have a choice to fall into His waiting hands. I look down from the cliff, and see His huge hand ready to catch me. But I HAVE to make the choice. He isn't going to force me. And so, I'm making the choice to jump into His open hands. Because, I'm at the end of my rope, my cliff. I don't want to try and open doors, pretending I'm letting Him do His will. I'm to the point where I think YoungLife isn't a possibility. But I hear God whispering, "Now it's MY turn."

Luke 18: 27--- "What is IMPOSSIBLE with men, is POSSIBLE with God."

God, would you do the impossible and break down walls? Father, would you show my heart who You really are. Not the God that sits in a box, but the God who does the impossible.

Father, no matter what the outcome, I thank you that You are still God, and You are not mad at me, disappointed in me, but You still love me the same. I thank you that You are the beginning and the end, and that WILL NOT change no matter the circumstance in my life.

Father, I thank you for showing me that I am weak. And I am sorry for trying to be the "prizefighter," and trying to get the glory. I am weak and nothing without You. I choose you, I choose to lay it at your feet. I choose to let go of controlling the wheel, and let You take over. I choose to rest in Yours hands, and accept whatever comes next. I want to be in Your will, not mine.

I choose to let You do the impossible.

Engagement Story...

About three weeks ago, my life was flipped upside down... quite literally actually :)

Jon and I went to Busch Gardens for a day of fun and the weather really was beautiful. We had a leisurely morning and then were on our way with lunch in the car. Looking back on it now, Jon didn't come across as nervous or strange at all that morning! However, he did forget his wallet so I got to pay for the park! I think it's fair enough now since I have a beautiful diamond on my finger!

Before this trip, Jon had been telling me that he really wanted me to ride in the front of row of "The Griffon" with my eyes open... I told him he was crazy. (There is a video link below to take a "virtual" ride of the roller coaster. ) But I knew he was going to make me do it, so I wanted to go on it first to "prepare" myself for the front row. We rode in the back row, and my eyes stayed shut pretty much the whole time :) We went a second time and I might have opened my eyes for about... 2 seconds... it was progress.

Later that afternoon we decided we were going to wrap up our day with the Rapids, Apollo's Chariot and then The Griffon. Well we went on the Rapids... and when we got off... not an inch of our bodies were dry. Needless to say, my hair was ruined, lol. We then headed off to Apollo's Chariot and someone was blessed with two very wet seats after us! Onto The Griffon...

We decided we would end with two rounds of The Griffon. The first time we went on we was in the 2nd row and I was pretty good about keeping my eyes open... except as we were creeping upwards and when we were hanging staring straight down :) The final run on the Griffon wouldn't be the quite the same...

So we wrap back around to stand in line for the front row.. I was nervous! Once in line, Jon was acting very sweet and lovey :) I remember telling him, "So all I have to do to get some good lovin' is ride the front row?!?" He said, "Yup, that's it!" All along, he was must have been laughing at me! As we neared the front, he says, " You have to ride on the edge, that way it makes you feel like you are really just hanging in the air." I wasn't going to make a big deal of it, but he counted the people, and it worked out that I would get the edge because there were two empty seats that would be after us. After some trouble (wink wink) with two single riders, I was sitting in the front on the edge and I was not happy :)

The incline begins and my eyes are SQUEEZED closed. And I hear Jon say, "You know, our relationship has been a lot like roller coaster." All I respond with is, "Aha..." and fear in my voice. We finally get to the top where the roller coaster loops you around before letting you hang over the edge and stare 200 feet down. I again hear Jon talk to me and he says, "Do you love me? Do you trust me?" And I look at him, thinking, where is this coming from?!? We are about to drop 200 feet! And when I look over at him, he is holding a red box out in front of me. My first thought was, wow, that looks like a ring box... why would he tease me like this?!? He then asks me, "Can we be serious for a minute?"

By this point my head is spinning and we are nearing the edge of the roller-coaster. I'm pretty sure I gave a small "aha..." as I stared at the box. I remember moving my head slightly and when I looked back over at him, the box was open and I was staring at a beautiful diamond. By this time, we are creeping to the edge of the roller coaster. As the diamond is hanging out in front of us, the roller-coaster tilts and we are staring straight down. As my head is spinning, I hear Jon say, "Will you marry me?"

The only thing I could do was yell, "Are you kidding me?!?" lol

The next thing I knew we were dropping 200 feet straight down and I am screaming and crying tears of joy. We finally slow dow for the end, and I tell him, "I'm not sure if I said yes yet, but YES!" Jon then asked if he could fit in on my finger... what an incredible feeling! Through tears and laughs and incredible joy we made it off the roller-coaster and out of the park floating on cloud nine :)

Needless to say, the day was AMAZING and I feel so blessed.

We have truly been through a roller-coaster of a relationship, but it's been a blast. God has blessed us tremendously, and we are so excited to see what the Lord has for us next.

Thank you to the MANY of you, who have fed into us, loved on us, encouraged us, and not given up on us. We couldn't be where we are without the Lord and all of you.

There will be more details to come as we figure them out :)

Link to the virtual ride for the Griffon--- http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=88d_1197881705

Obeying...

Have you ever had those moments, in between really busy hours and days, when you simply sit? I'm sitting on the porch, I feel Fall upon us, and a blanket over my legs. Ahhh.... God is good. There is nothing like resting in the Lord's peace.

Day 2 of school is complete... and how I love it. God has been pouring out his blessings on me, and sometimes I can be so blind to it. I'm in a place where I've wanted to be for so long, and now that it has come to pass, it's such a different feeling. On day 1 I remember thinking, "Oh my gash, here I am, but what am I going to say?!?" And for a split moment I was scared and nervous. Yet the second all my beautiful children walked in, the words simply came. So far... no big problems. I have my class clowns, but I think with some good lovin', we'll whip them into shape. :)

For my first "assignment" I gave the kids my class motto, "There are No Shortcuts." After talking about it, they all shared what they thought I meant by it. They were right on... "there is no easy way out"... "if you want to get where you want, you have to work," ect... If they were ready to sign onto this motto with me, they were given a hand print. On the palm of the hand they wrote their name, and on each of the fingers they wrote something about themselves. I explained that once I had all the hand prints, I would spell out "There Are No Shortcuts" with the hand and post it in the room. At first they were hesitant... but I think they'll catch on :)

One thing I feel like the Lord has put on my heart is to push these kids in their dreams. So many times, teachers, parents, peers, and society puts a damper on our student's dreams. I want every child who walks in my room to know it' a place where we believe in dreams. We believe that we can do anything. The Lord is so good, and I feel like bragging! I have the Lord's presence in my room, and that's huge! lol So with HIM there, these kids will know they can reach for the stars and, even if they are on their very tip-toes, our Heavenly Father will give them the final reach to touch them.

I love that with the Lord anything is possible. My heart beats wildly thinking about it. And it goes even crazier when I think what could happen and what WILL happen when these students know the Lord.

Matthew 19:26

"With man this is impossible, but with GOD all things are POSSIBLE."

"My Beloved is Beautiful"

Teach me, O Lord, how to truly desire You...

To see Your BEAUTY in all things...

To understand true FAITH...

To step out in FAITH...

Starting something new...

Awhile back, a friend told me, "You should start blogging.."At first all I could think about was, when will I ever have the time?
I've seen others start, and I've been privileged to see into their lives because of it, but me? I didn't think it was for me. Right as these thoughts crossed my mind, my friend explained a little about her heart for blogging. As we walk out our journeys with the Lord, there are ups and downs, good times and bad. There are times when we feel Him right next to us, and other times when He seems so out of reach. My journal gets to see all of this in my life. But God put us on this Earth to walk through it together. As we walk, there will be times where we will be running and other times when our feet with be dragging through the sand to continue after God. It's during those times of dragging, that we have each other to come along side and help us along the way. As I learn from other's lives and journeys, I hope I can do the same. This blog is an insight to what Jesus is doing in me, around me, and through me. My hope is to be transparent. We are all on the same path, the same journey, and that's seeking after Him.